How Different Attachment Styles Show Up in Relationships — And How Therapy Can Help
We all carry patterns into our relationships—some we’re aware of, and others we’re still figuring out as we go.
Maybe it feels like you’re always the one who cares too much, or not enough.
Maybe closeness and connection feels overwhelming—or you find yourself longing for it “too much.”
Maybe your relationships feel like a tug-of-war between wanting connection and fearing connection.
These patterns don’t come out of nowhere. They often have deep roots in our earliest experiences of love, safety, security and connection.
Understanding your attachment style isn’t about labeling yourself—it’s about bringing awareness to the blueprint you were handed and the early programming that shaped it, so you can begin creating something different.
What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles are patterns in how we connect, cope, and seek closeness—developed through our earliest bonds with caregivers.
Psychological research, particularly by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, outlines four main attachment styles:
- Secure: Trusts connection; feels comfortable with both intimacy and independence.
- Anxious (Preoccupied): Craves closeness and often fears rejection or abandonment.
- Avoidant (Dismissive): Values independence and may struggle to rely on others or open up emotionally.
- Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant): A mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies, often tied to relational trauma or unpredictability in early caregiving.
These styles aren’t fixed identities. They’re adaptive patterns that helped us survive early environments—and they can evolve.
How Do Attachment Styles Show Up in Adult Relationships?
Attachment dynamics can shape how we:
- Respond to conflict
- Ask for support
- Navigate intimacy and space
- Cope with emotional discomfort
- Trust (or mistrust) others
For example:
- Someone with anxious tendencies might overthink every text message or fear being “too much.”
- Someone with avoidant tendencies might shut down when things feel too emotionally intense.
- Someone with disorganized patterns might alternate between craving closeness and pushing it away—feeling confused by their own needs.
Often, these patterns aren’t conscious. We repeat what feels familiar, even when it costs us our needs—or our relationships.
How Therapy Can Help with Attachment Styles and Wounds
At Soulstice Miami, we offer therapy for attachment-related challenges through a trauma-informed lens—using EMDR and a integrated blend of trauma-informed interventions, depending on your unique needs and goals.
This means:
- We don’t pathologize your patterns—we understand where they came from.
- We work with the nervous system, not just the mind.
- We focus on creating a secure relational space where healing can begin.
Through therapy, you can:
- Identify and understand your attachment style
- Make sense of how early experiences shaped your current patterns
- Develop new, more secure ways of relating—to yourself and others
You’ll begin to build the emotional tools to navigate relationships with more clarity, flexibility, and self-trust.
Healing Happens in Relationship—Even the One Formed in the Therapy Room
Therapy is more than talking. It’s about experiencing safety, attunement, and emotional and relational repair in real time—so your body and brain can learn that connection can feel safe.
Over time, therapy becomes a space where:
- You get to show up exactly as you are—without having to shrink, perform, or earn your worth
- You’re met with presence and steadiness
- You learn that your needs don’t make you “too much”
- Healthy assertiveness and authenticity no longer feel like risks
- You can be seen in your messiest moments and still be held with care
You begin to unlearn the old rules your nervous system clung to for survival—and start to rewrite what it means to feel connected, emotionally safe, and truly supported.
Final Thoughts
Understanding your attachment style isn’t about labeling yourself—or blaming yourself or your past.
It’s about reclaiming your ability to choose how you want to connect now.
Whether you’re navigating difficulties with intimacy, breakups, emotional triggers, or relationship patterns that feel hard to shift, therapy can help you move forward with more clarity, intention, and connection.
Ready to Explore?
**This blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional therapy or mental health treatment. If you’re struggling, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for support.**
